Letter received from a phenomenal sixteen year old girl who I worked with for a year when she was 14 through the worst OCD I have experienced treating in my practice. I saw her again in March, for the first time in a long while, and she was in a dark place. I received this from her yesterday… (and with her permission, I am publishing it – to inspire other teenagers during these difficult times.)
I am feeling so much better these days, the last time I came to see you I was in one of the darkest places I have ever been in, it felt like it did the time I first came to see you except it wasn’t OCD it was just sadness.
Lockdown in a weird way has been one of the best things to happen to me. Yes, I am constantly stressed about A Level work (but that’s a given) however, the first day of lockdown I decided this was an opportunity to turn my life around and do it for myself. I started eating better, I have completely turned around my diet and because of that I not only have so much more energy but I also sleep better! I still get angry at everyone and I do get in my moods but that’s just a part of me I need to accept and start to attempt to cool down in situations before they escalate. But lockdown has given me the chance to finally be able to learn how to do that and whilst this is a horrible situation I think I have managed to find the silver lining (for once) and now everyday is a little bit more positive. Positivity now shows up in even the littlest of things, I will be texting someone about school stress and will end the text will something like ‘oh well, we will get through this, can only try our best at a time like this’ I know that seems small but that’s everything to me, I would never finish a text like that before, it would all just be full of negativity, my mind was so full of negative thoughts all the time that there was no room for anything else.
I still have negative and bad days, but if anything they only make me appreciate the good ones even more, and I really do have good days now, they’re not like before when I would pretend they were good or think ‘this is as good as it will get’ they are actually days that reflect on and think that was really great’. I think one thing I love as well is that they’re days that I may not remember forever, but I love that, now I have good days that aren’t just one off things I will remember forever, they are just life.
That was very long winded 🙂 but overall I’m just feeling better, and even if I have a down day I know that it will get better because it always does (nothing ever stays good or bad hey?) I guess I just have to keep going and get through the stress that is sixth form.